Avoiding procrastination when writing
If you fall a few words short of the daily goal, a slap on the wrist will do—perhaps something like the forcible removal of a pinkie nail using needle-nose pliers. Failed to produce at a satisfactory pace for a week straight? Hire a local tough to deliver a good kneecapping. (Make sure it's scheduled during nonwriting hours, and that the blow isn't so severe as to require extended hospitalization, which would take away from writing time.)Read more helpful writing tips at McSweeney's Internet Tendency.And if, for example, you're under contract to complete a writing-advice book and you still have a third of it to go with only three weeks until the deadline, chain yourself (literally) to the chair with your feet immersed in a bucket of acid (not too caustic, just strong enough for a tingling burn). Believe me, you'll have never typed faster in your life.